FINISHED WITH MATH

FINISHED WITH PHYSICS

NOT GONNA TOUCH A CALCULATOR TILL NEVER

JUST KIDDING LIKE COLLEGE

BUT YEEEEEEE

now to bullshit me some espanol 

Looking back at the last white walls I gazed upon in stupor

I read through my “yearbook” from last year while sitting on a broken stool, amidst the carnage of awfulness that is my room and all my things. 

And by “yearbook” I mean a spiral notebook with 3D seahorses on the front. 

I read everyone else’s entries, and then I didn’t even flinch when I picked up the four page essay insert 

I read it, and I smiled. I didn’t want to tear it up and I didn’t even want to cry. 

Mae asked me, if I could, if I would go back and change it? The last relationship? I told her yes, because the damage it caused was the most horrendous that I’ve ever experienced. 

But. No. No, I was happy then. It was wonderful then and it was the first time I ever fell in love. 

It turned so fast and became so wrong, so warped. But at one time, it made me blissfully happy. Therefore, I change my answer. I would not choose to make it so it never happened. 

I was able to look back and smile. It was powerful. And it felt amazing. 

It was the power to look behind me and not feel the sharpness and the ache, but see each individual part for what it was.

It was acceptance. 

What’s even better? I get to look on these white walls, like I looked on those white walls 12 months ago, and still close my eyes and drink in the sweetness that is contentment. 

I get to be blissful now too. But here, in this present, I am so much more full. 

These white walls are not empty. These white walls are very very full.